


could've followed my fears all the way down

by Bara_no_Uta



Series: Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [13]
Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Healing, Post-Ending E (NieR: Automata), Slow Burn, part of a series but can be read standalone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: The problem was that with the machines’ evolution, strategy only could get them so far. They could create the most brilliant strategy in the world against the current varieties of machines, only to get ambushed by some that were undefeatable…No. 16, Lily, Gerbera, Daisy, Dahlia…Her hands curled into fists, and her gaze lowered to the ground. “It scares me. To think that I could lose you. I failed to protect my squadron. I can’t let that happen to anybody else.”She didn’t think that it was fair for A2 to blame herself for what had happened to her squadron, but unsure how to help her believe that, 2B stayed focused on the matter at hand. “You don’t have to protect me. I can defend myself.”“What if… there was an enemy that you couldn’t defeat? If your attacks were completely ineffective?”---A2 and 2B have a heart-to-heart.
Relationships: 2B/A2 (NieR: Automata)
Series: Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892593
Kudos: 16





	could've followed my fears all the way down

**Author's Note:**

> For those reading this as a standalone: A couple of entries ago, A2 had kind of panicked about them going into the Forest Kingdom, though the machines were non-hostile. Because she needed some time to understand her own reaction, she wasn't able to talk about it with 2B at the time. I felt like it was important to show the resolution, which is the starting point for this. Both have realized they have feelings for one another, but neither has told the other yet.

“Good morning,” 2B greeted with a smile.

It made A2 happy to see her smile more lately. She knew how much 2B had been through, and how hard it could be to smile after enduring years of pain. “Hey, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing well. What about you?”

She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling slowly. “I… wanted to apologize,” she said, kneeling down next to 2B on the grass.

Sensing a weight to the conversation, 2B shifted to face her fully. “For what?”

Despite having thought ahead of time about what she would say, the unfamiliar situation and vulnerability made it hard for A2 to force the words out. “The other day, when we were showing 6O flowers… I don’t… want my fears to stop you from doing things.”

Oh. It didn’t take long for her to recall what A2 was referencing. She thought her own response over carefully before answering. “I know we could take those machines if we needed to, but it’s also true that carelessness is our greatest enemy. It isn’t a bad idea to make sure that we have a strategy.”

The problem was that with the machines’ evolution, strategy only could get them so far. They could create the most brilliant strategy in the world against the current varieties of machines, only to get ambushed by some that were undefeatable… _No. 16, Lily, Gerbera, Daisy, Dahlia…_

2B found herself trusting the machines more easily than A2 did, but she also recognized that she was taking a risk in doing so. Back when she had her data backed up and could easily be restored to a new body in the Bunker, as much as she preferred to avoid that outcome since it meant losing memories, taking a chance with her own life wasn’t as high-stakes as it was now. Since A2 had gone most of her life without that opportunity, perhaps it made sense for her to be more wary.

Her hands curled into fists, and her gaze lowered to the ground. “It scares me. To think that I could lose you. I failed to protect my squadron. I can’t let that happen to anybody else.”

She didn’t think that it was fair for A2 to blame herself for what had happened to her squadron, but unsure how to help her believe that, 2B stayed focused on the matter at hand. “You don’t have to protect me. I can defend myself.”

“What if… there was an enemy that you couldn’t defeat? If your attacks were completely ineffective?”

It was hard to imagine that happening, but the oddly specific question gave her a feeling that A2 wasn’t speaking purely hypothetically about this possibility. If that happened, what _would_ she do, now that self-destructing wasn’t really an option? If she could escape, she could go get help, but that would also risk leading the machines attacking her to attack more androids. That was probably their best bet, though. “If that happened… I could still run.”

She wondered why No. 16’s group hadn’t fled. Most likely, it was to protect them, in an effort to keep them from being attacked in the server room… A2 nodded. “Okay. And I think it would be best if we still kept our weapons on us for now.”

2B materialized her sword, and showed A2 the variety of healing items she carried. “I agree. I’d like to believe that the machines are harmless to us now, but there’s no sense in taking unnecessary risks. Especially when our truce with them is so new.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Her shoulders felt lighter now. She couldn’t deny still feeling afraid of losing someone, but she also recognized a need to go on with their lives. After knowing nothing but war since their creation, it was hard to trust peace or safety. Even so, she didn’t want them to live their lives in fear.

“That’s what allies are for.” As she spoke, 2B started to reach for A2’s hand, then hesitated. After realizing that the feelings she held for A2 were more than platonic in nature, she found herself dialing back some of the touch, concerned it wasn’t proper from one friend to another.

2B… hadn’t really had friends before, except those she’d had to hold at arms’ length. First because she was a soldier and emotions were prohibited, and then doubly after being assigned to ‘monitor’ 9S. So with A2, all she really had to go on was her instincts and A2’s reactions. A2 had never _seemed_ uncomfortable, but what if she started to suspect something, didn’t feel the same way, and didn’t even want to be friends anymore? Perhaps that sort of fear was immature, but for someone with no romantic experience and virtually no friendship experience, it felt entirely plausible.

Unfortunately, A2 noticed 2B start to reach out and then stop, and her mind came up with an entirely different explanation. Hurt immediately set into her features, wondering if she had finally exhausted 2B’s patience for her inner turmoil. She shifted, scooting slightly further from 2B. “I shouldn’t bring up the past so much, huh?”

A2’s reaction completely puzzled 2B. Considering that her real dilemma was just about the opposite, it didn’t occur to her that A2 might fear she was fed up with her. “What do you mean? I’m glad that you’re talking about it instead of keeping everything inside.”

Withdrawing and loosely pulling her knees to her chest, A2 found it hard to articulate what was on her mind. She didn’t believe 2B’s words, unable to come up with any other explanation for 2B suddenly pulling away from her, but she also didn’t quite feel like 2B was lying. Those words were too consistent with everything else 2B had said to her so far. But then, why?

Not sure what else to do when A2 didn’t answer her, 2B carefully reached out to hold her hand.

Back when she was part of YoRHa, A2 had often felt like a burden to those around her. One of the reasons for that was that she had been so average, but the other was that she was painfully aware she had always been more sensitive and emotional than the rest of them. If the rule against emotions had been instated at that time, she was sure she would have gotten scrapped entirely. She would be close to crying when she got frustrated with simulated combat, when she got lost in the Bunker, when she was reminded of her average performance, when she felt alone…

And now, despite having felt that who she was back then had died, here she was again, her eyes growing wet at the slightest hint of rejection. In some ways, it was a victory to be able to reclaim those vulnerable emotions, but right now, she was too caught up in feeling hurt to see that.

Slowly, 2B realized that A2 was feeling insecure. This… was a side to her that she had not only never seen before, but never would have guessed existed. Honor at being allowed to see her like this blossomed, though it still was overtaken by her concern. “A2… what makes you think I don’t want you to talk about your past?”

She felt so immature and vulnerable to answer 2B’s question that she had half a mind not to answer at all. After all, wasn’t opening up what got her in this mess? And anyway, wasn’t she already disappointing 2B by revealing that she apparently still had such a weak side to her? But not answering made her feel silly, too, so she decided to try. “You pulled away.”

_Oh._ 2B squeezed her hand, now feeling guilty. “I’m sorry. I’m still learning… Friendships weren’t exactly encouraged in the YoRHa, so I… wasn’t sure if it was okay.”

Now she really felt foolish. It reminded her of the time that No. 21 had found her curled up on the ground at the edge of their camp, all because Lily had said she would never be her captain, and it turned out Lily had just been on edge because she’d recently discovered her new powers. “It’s always okay,” she said, finally meeting 2B’s gaze again. “If you want to touch me, you can.”

2B felt her face start to overheat at the ways that sentence could be interpreted, although A2 seemed so nonchalant about saying it that she was sure there was no double meaning intended. “O-Okay.”

A2’s expression was questioning, unsure why 2B seemed so flustered all of a sudden.

She wondered if she should just tell her. If she tried to hide it, would it lead to more misunderstandings like this one, and thus cause her to hurt A2 again? Or would she be able to hide it more successfully now that she’d gotten this cleared up? A2 had so much on her mind right now that she wasn’t sure she should add to it with something like this. Something that… at the very least, could wait.

There was something conflicted in 2B’s expression, and A2 wanted to support her. “What’s on your mind?”

…Now that A2 had asked _that_ , was there any way out of this without telling her? 2B hesitated. “You don’t need to worry about me. I know you have a lot on your mind.”

“Hey, I thought we were going to try to be open with each other.” She couldn’t deny that she had a lot on her mind these days, but she cared about 2B and wanted to support her. There was room for both.

2B bit her lip. She thought about answering honestly, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. Instead, she shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet.”

“Oh. …I understand.” She definitely did, considering it had been her saying that just a few months ago. “I’ll be here when you’re ready, okay?”

“Thank you.” It was nice to feel supported, even if A2 had no idea what was on her mind. “…Speaking of being here. How are you feeling, with 6O and 21O around?”

She was touched that 2B cared enough to ask, and because of that, she decided to answer as honestly as she could. “I miss my old squadron more. I think about them more often. And… it makes me worry more about losing you all now, too. But I’m glad they’re here.”

“I’m glad they’re here, too.” She looked away for a moment, then into A2’s eyes as she assured her, “Just remember that you aren’t alone.”

That finally got a small smile from A2. “It’s been starting to sink in lately.”

“Good.” She smiled back, happy to hear that A2 was beginning to understand that. Healing was going to be a long process. Neither of them had any illusions that it would be quick or easy. But little by little, they were beginning to learn that it was at least possible.

Relaxed now, A2 let her knees uncurl from their protective position in front of her, shifting so she was sitting more comfortably. “What about you? I know it’s a good change, but it can still be a lot to take in.”

2B thought that over. “It is a lot to take in. I’m glad that they’re okay… I’m really relieved. But it is hard to think about all the YoRHa who we can’t bring back. …It doesn’t feel fair that I was able to survive and they weren’t, just because I was fortunate enough to find a way to keep my data intact and someone to protect it.”

She definitely understood that all too well. It was ironic in a way, to have their positions so thoroughly switched. It seemed like just the other day 2B was assuring her that she shouldn’t feel guilty for having survived. “I understand. I don’t think that the world is fair. There are too many needless deaths. But I am glad you’re alive.”

The words didn’t offer an explanation, but she knew perfectly well that there was no explanation possible. No one could possibly know why it was that she survived and the others didn’t, so maybe accepting that it simply wasn’t fair was the most logical response. “I think I’m glad too,” she said. “Now that we’re free, I… am glad to be alive.”

A2 knew how much pain 2B had been in during much of her time at YoRHa, so while it pained her, she wasn’t surprised to hear the implication that 2B hadn’t always been. Still, a surge of protectiveness coursed through her, and she pulled her hand away so she could give 2B a hug.

2B relaxed into it. She didn’t know what she was going to do about her feelings for A2, but when they were like this, everything felt so _right_ that she couldn’t bring herself to worry about that.

As 2B reciprocated, she relaxed too. She hadn’t realized how much tension she had been carrying lately until she felt it float away. With 2B, she felt safe.


End file.
